Blue

Today is not a good day. After feeling so positive post-surgery I have now come down to earth with a bang. I was feeling fine so decided to go shopping on Thursday night. My mum drove me to the shops and I just walked around and got what I needed. By the end of the night I realised that I had totally overdone it and just felt like crap. Even though I am not in any actual pain any more, my right side is still a bit tender from the surgery. I feel a bit like someone has punched me in the side and occasionally the feeling nauseates me.

I was so determined not to let it beat me and have been trying to be so independent but it's horrible when your body lets you down. When you really want to get out there and do stuff but your body just says "NO".

Normally, I would love to sit around the house all day reading books and watching DVDs but psychologically because I know that I can't go out and do stuff, I really want to go out. I feel like a caged animal.

I have so much stuff in the house to be sorted out, cupboards to be tidied and cleaning to be done but I can't even bend and stretch too much to do that. It is so annoying. Mentally, I just feel so beaten down I can't even concentrate on a book or anything. I have just been flicking through cook books and magazines because they have a lot of pictures and make easy reading. I don't know what is wrong with me.

I feel somewhat bad for being like this because I know that my surgery was minor compared to what some people have to go through. Having gall stones is hardly life threatening but this experience has made me realise just how important health is. I know that I will get better in time but it has made me think about all those who won't get better, who can't get better. I find it terrifying that I might end up like that one day. It is so horrible having to rely on others to do things for you and having some of your choices taken away from you, even if it is only for a short period of time.

Anyway, I will struggle on. I know that I have many, many things to be thankful for.

Gall Stones No More

It has been ages since I have written anything on this blog. I just haven't felt like of late. I think I kind of lost my mojo a bit (so to speak).

After months of suffering, I finally had my gall bladder removed last Thursday. Amazingly, the nearer to my surgery date it got, the calmer I was. By the time Thursday came I was elated and couldn't wait to get it over and done with.

I was admitted at noon and my surgery was scheduled for 3pm. I had to wear a horrendous gown which looked like someone had splashed food colouring all over it. Quite frightening for someone who normally wears black. In addition to this, every scrap of make up had to be removed. Now, anyone who knows me will tell you that I would have to be literally dying before being seen without make up on so I wasn't happy.

I was wheeled to theatre at 2.40pm and was asleep by 3pm. I remember waking up groaning in pain at 4.10pm and a very nice man came and gave me morphine before wheeling me back up to my room. At 5pm I decided it would be a good idea to call my mum and Mr B to let them know I was alive and well. I managed to somehow get my mobile phone out of the bedside cabinet and press the couple of buttons required to call my mum's mobile number. She answered the phone, completely stunned as I explained (whilst sounding like a complete space cadet) that my surgery was over and I was fine. I then called Mr B who found my slurred speech completely hilarious. I was mostly fine as the drugs wore off except being as sick as a dog. What made it more interesting is that my sick was green, exorcist style, green sick. It was great fun. Even the nurse said it was impressive.

Anyhow, I was released back to the wild the next day and am currently recouperating at home being cared for by Mr 'Nurse' B. I still can't drive or lift anything heavy but the wounds are healing nicely and I am feeling much better.

I hope to be blogging more regularly from now on.

Back in the land of the living

I am pleased to say that I am back in the land of the living after a bout of illness. More gall bladder problems. This has been the worst yet and I have now decided to have surgery to remove my gall bladder completely. I am told that this is pretty routine but for someone who is overweight, terrified of anesthetic and doesn't particularly want to die yet, this isn't very reassuring.

I went to meet with the surgeon last week and he explained all the things that could possibly go wrong in great detail, even though it is rare. I am finding all pretty scary but have decided that I need to go ahead with it.

I will be keeping my fingers firmly crossed that everything is ok.

Loving: That the Sex and the City film is out this week.
Hating: Gall Stones.